Obviously this is my first go-around at being pregnant. I'd like to say that I am handling it pretty well so far. I've read all the baby books; I check babycenter everyday for the latest and greatest on anything baby and pregnancy related; and I research anything and everything about what is going on with my body and with my little one. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on my pregnancy. However, there is one thing I just can't wrap my head around; the things people say to pregnant women.
What is it about a round belly that gets people to feel like they can say and do whatever they want to a perfect stranger?! Here are some things I have encountered during my pregnancy that leave me scratching my head...
*Disclaimer: None of my friends or family have said this stuff to me...and if they did, I would not be offended at all. It's just weird/offensive when a total stranger feels like just because they see a pregnant person that proper social rules go out the window.
1) Comments on your appearance.
In my first trimester I looked bad...REAL bad. I am aware of this. I mean....I spent most of my first trimester puking. (FYI...it is a HUGE myth that morning sickness occurs just in the morning...unfortunately morning sickness lasts alllllll day long.) When I finally announced my pregnancy a girl from my school came up to me and said "I KNEW it! You have looked horrible for the past month!"
What do you say to that? Thanks? Yes...I am aware I looked horrible...but in my defense, I just puked into a ziplock bag on my way into school...how would you look?
2) Comments on what you eat.
These come in the form of "Whoah, are you going to eat all of that?" and "Should you be eating that?" What are you, the public food police?! Yes, I am going to eat this entire jar of cinnamon applesauce and I am happy about it. Are YOU going to eat that Quizno's burrito that probably has more fat and calories than my jar of applesauce?
Another thing about this one: people also always feel the need to say something like "eating for two!" every time I announce that I am hungry or get a snack. Do I comment every time you get up to get a snack? Sometimes I am eating because my heartburn is making me want to die and sometimes I am eating because I am just hungry. Regardless of the reason, I don't comment every time you eat...let's try to tone down the comments when I eat...it gets old.
3) You aren't even showing yet!
This comment isn't the part that confuses me...it's what usually follows up this comment. "You aren't even showing yet! Are you sure there is a baby in there?!"
This is an insanely weird thing to say to a pregnant woman. I was sure there was a baby in there earlier, but now you have me thinking about things like miscarriages and complications. Usually I am feeling so bloated, so regardless of if I am showing or not your comment does not make me think I look thin...it makes me think you are weird. Just say "you look great."
4) Are you sure there aren't twins in there?
This one baffled me because I had just gotten the "you aren't even showing yet..." comment two days before. A woman I had just met was over at our house talking to my parents about a possible kitchen remodel...she noticed I was pregnant and asked how far along I was. Upon hearing my answer she responded with "wow! are you sure there aren't twins in there?"
How am I supposed to take this? Obviously I am sure there aren't twins...I'm 18 weeks along, my doctor uses the latest technology and is pretty smart...I don't think he overlooked an extra fetus...so why would a stranger say this to a pregnant woman? Seriously...what EXACTLY is the point of your comment...because I feel like you are just trying to make me feel bad.
5) Comments about how big you are.
This goes hand-in-hand with the above comment, but it deserves its own mention. These comments come in many forms. Last week I had a woman in my quilting class tell me that I looked like I could have the baby that day. Well lady...you and I are both in for a treat then because I still have 8 weeks to go and baby still has half her body weight to gain. I can't imagine what you will be thinking of me by the time I actually give birth.
I just don't get these ones. I know people mean well when they say "wow, you are so big!" and "geeze, the baby is DEFINITELY growing, you look huge!" Obviously I know they aren't trying to be offensive...but I get it. I am getting big. I am reminded of this every time I pull on my jeans that have an elastic band fitting all the way to my boobs. I am reminded of this every time I knock over a cup or chair with my stomach. I am reminded of this every time I try to put on my shoes, but can't because my stomach is in the way. I am reminded of this every time I need Noah's help to push myself out of bed. Yes...I am getting big.
6) Judging comments.
These comments really get my blood boiling. Mostly because they are the most offensive (in my opinion). The above comments are generally harmless and sometimes just pop out of people's mouths...but these comments are just plain mean. For example...two weeks ago I went to a fabric store to pick out some fabric for the quilt I will be making in my quilting class. I asked an employee at the fabric store for some assistance picking out fabrics. I literally went up to an employee and said "hi, I was wondering if I could get some help picking out fabric. I am going to make a quilt and I want to kind of imitate this quilt," while I showed her a picture of a quilt in the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. She looked me up and down and said "you know that you can't give a baby that quilt, right?" I was legitimately confused as to what she meant so I smartly said, "huh?" To which she got an exasperated look on her face and said "wow, I can't believe they didn't tell you this yet. Big blankets can cause SIDS...you can't EVER give a baby a thick quilt like this."
Ohhhh....wow, I am SO happy I walked into this Pacific Fabrics store and met you, otherwise I would have wrapped my baby in this gigantic, full-size, thick quilt and possibly have caused her to suffer from SIDS...
I wanted to punch the lady in the face. Obviously I am not about to try and swaddle my infant child in a gigantic quilt. I was actually annoyed with myself that I felt the need to explain to this stranger that I planned to make the quilt to lay on the grass in Chelan so my daughter and I could practice tummy-time while enjoying the nice weather. Ridiculous.
7) Personal invasion comments.
"Was it planned?" "Are you going to breastfeed?" "Have you gotten stretch marks?" "Are you practicing your kegel exercises?" "Are you planning to use drugs during your labor?"
Now, these questions are totally normal and welcome from friends and family...but imagine a TOTAL STRANGER asking these. What in the world makes a person feel like they can ask such invading questions upon meeting someone for 3 seconds? My favorite is someone asking me if I have been practicing my kegel exercises. Do I ask about what you do with your vagina? No. Let's not ask about mine.
I had a teacher of mine ask me if I was planning to use drugs during labor. When I told her I was she actually told me I should re-think my decision. She then proceeded to tell me that I should bring Spanx to the hospital to put on right after delivery and start my ab exercises right away in order to get my uterus back in shape. Ummm....thanks Dr.,.....is my grade going to reflect your disapproval of my personal decisions?
8) Rubbing belly.
Last but not least....the belly rubs. Everyone hears about this one. Perfect strangers feeling like they have the right to come up and touch a woman's stomach. I've had this happen three times so far and it is awkward. I have a pretty small personal bubble...but it feels kind of intimate to have someone touch your stomach that is holding your growing baby and I definitely don't want a stranger to be the one to do that. It's just plain weird...I'm not coming up to you and randomly caressing your stomach...don't touch mine.
Ahhhh, the things people say and do to pregnant women. I'll never understand.
What is it about a round belly that gets people to feel like they can say and do whatever they want to a perfect stranger?! Here are some things I have encountered during my pregnancy that leave me scratching my head...
*Disclaimer: None of my friends or family have said this stuff to me...and if they did, I would not be offended at all. It's just weird/offensive when a total stranger feels like just because they see a pregnant person that proper social rules go out the window.
1) Comments on your appearance.
In my first trimester I looked bad...REAL bad. I am aware of this. I mean....I spent most of my first trimester puking. (FYI...it is a HUGE myth that morning sickness occurs just in the morning...unfortunately morning sickness lasts alllllll day long.) When I finally announced my pregnancy a girl from my school came up to me and said "I KNEW it! You have looked horrible for the past month!"
What do you say to that? Thanks? Yes...I am aware I looked horrible...but in my defense, I just puked into a ziplock bag on my way into school...how would you look?
2) Comments on what you eat.
These come in the form of "Whoah, are you going to eat all of that?" and "Should you be eating that?" What are you, the public food police?! Yes, I am going to eat this entire jar of cinnamon applesauce and I am happy about it. Are YOU going to eat that Quizno's burrito that probably has more fat and calories than my jar of applesauce?
Another thing about this one: people also always feel the need to say something like "eating for two!" every time I announce that I am hungry or get a snack. Do I comment every time you get up to get a snack? Sometimes I am eating because my heartburn is making me want to die and sometimes I am eating because I am just hungry. Regardless of the reason, I don't comment every time you eat...let's try to tone down the comments when I eat...it gets old.
3) You aren't even showing yet!
This comment isn't the part that confuses me...it's what usually follows up this comment. "You aren't even showing yet! Are you sure there is a baby in there?!"
This is an insanely weird thing to say to a pregnant woman. I was sure there was a baby in there earlier, but now you have me thinking about things like miscarriages and complications. Usually I am feeling so bloated, so regardless of if I am showing or not your comment does not make me think I look thin...it makes me think you are weird. Just say "you look great."
4) Are you sure there aren't twins in there?
This one baffled me because I had just gotten the "you aren't even showing yet..." comment two days before. A woman I had just met was over at our house talking to my parents about a possible kitchen remodel...she noticed I was pregnant and asked how far along I was. Upon hearing my answer she responded with "wow! are you sure there aren't twins in there?"
How am I supposed to take this? Obviously I am sure there aren't twins...I'm 18 weeks along, my doctor uses the latest technology and is pretty smart...I don't think he overlooked an extra fetus...so why would a stranger say this to a pregnant woman? Seriously...what EXACTLY is the point of your comment...because I feel like you are just trying to make me feel bad.
5) Comments about how big you are.
This goes hand-in-hand with the above comment, but it deserves its own mention. These comments come in many forms. Last week I had a woman in my quilting class tell me that I looked like I could have the baby that day. Well lady...you and I are both in for a treat then because I still have 8 weeks to go and baby still has half her body weight to gain. I can't imagine what you will be thinking of me by the time I actually give birth.
I just don't get these ones. I know people mean well when they say "wow, you are so big!" and "geeze, the baby is DEFINITELY growing, you look huge!" Obviously I know they aren't trying to be offensive...but I get it. I am getting big. I am reminded of this every time I pull on my jeans that have an elastic band fitting all the way to my boobs. I am reminded of this every time I knock over a cup or chair with my stomach. I am reminded of this every time I try to put on my shoes, but can't because my stomach is in the way. I am reminded of this every time I need Noah's help to push myself out of bed. Yes...I am getting big.
6) Judging comments.
These comments really get my blood boiling. Mostly because they are the most offensive (in my opinion). The above comments are generally harmless and sometimes just pop out of people's mouths...but these comments are just plain mean. For example...two weeks ago I went to a fabric store to pick out some fabric for the quilt I will be making in my quilting class. I asked an employee at the fabric store for some assistance picking out fabrics. I literally went up to an employee and said "hi, I was wondering if I could get some help picking out fabric. I am going to make a quilt and I want to kind of imitate this quilt," while I showed her a picture of a quilt in the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. She looked me up and down and said "you know that you can't give a baby that quilt, right?" I was legitimately confused as to what she meant so I smartly said, "huh?" To which she got an exasperated look on her face and said "wow, I can't believe they didn't tell you this yet. Big blankets can cause SIDS...you can't EVER give a baby a thick quilt like this."
Ohhhh....wow, I am SO happy I walked into this Pacific Fabrics store and met you, otherwise I would have wrapped my baby in this gigantic, full-size, thick quilt and possibly have caused her to suffer from SIDS...
I wanted to punch the lady in the face. Obviously I am not about to try and swaddle my infant child in a gigantic quilt. I was actually annoyed with myself that I felt the need to explain to this stranger that I planned to make the quilt to lay on the grass in Chelan so my daughter and I could practice tummy-time while enjoying the nice weather. Ridiculous.
7) Personal invasion comments.
"Was it planned?" "Are you going to breastfeed?" "Have you gotten stretch marks?" "Are you practicing your kegel exercises?" "Are you planning to use drugs during your labor?"
Now, these questions are totally normal and welcome from friends and family...but imagine a TOTAL STRANGER asking these. What in the world makes a person feel like they can ask such invading questions upon meeting someone for 3 seconds? My favorite is someone asking me if I have been practicing my kegel exercises. Do I ask about what you do with your vagina? No. Let's not ask about mine.
I had a teacher of mine ask me if I was planning to use drugs during labor. When I told her I was she actually told me I should re-think my decision. She then proceeded to tell me that I should bring Spanx to the hospital to put on right after delivery and start my ab exercises right away in order to get my uterus back in shape. Ummm....thanks Dr.,.....is my grade going to reflect your disapproval of my personal decisions?
8) Rubbing belly.
Last but not least....the belly rubs. Everyone hears about this one. Perfect strangers feeling like they have the right to come up and touch a woman's stomach. I've had this happen three times so far and it is awkward. I have a pretty small personal bubble...but it feels kind of intimate to have someone touch your stomach that is holding your growing baby and I definitely don't want a stranger to be the one to do that. It's just plain weird...I'm not coming up to you and randomly caressing your stomach...don't touch mine.
Ahhhh, the things people say and do to pregnant women. I'll never understand.
People are just plain rude...and creepy! In general, I hate when anyone shares an opinion about something personal to your life, like they know your entire life and what's best for you. I especially can't believe the fabric store lady! At least pregnancy rage helps in standing up to these idiots :)
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